Now, let me preface this by saying, you really need an open mind to continue reading further. If that isn’t something you do, then please stop and just visit Amazon.com and hopefully purchase one of my books! LOL. For everyone else, please continue reading.
When I started writing Blood Lust Romance (BLR Trilogy)
as a book from the original screenplay, it was really dark and twisted. It wasn’t making me happy. There were many things in it that were disturbing, but there wasn’t anything there to make the light-hearted feel of the violence step out into the light the way I feel I was wanting to do in the film. I knew that I need to explain the tragic nature of the characters more and I needed back story on them as well.
Another thing I knew I needed, was a sense of control. You have to understand that i uprooted my family and moved 13 hours away from home and for a year before was getting my hopes up by asshole producers that had no real intention of making my film. There are a ton of ‘producers’ who just like the idea of going to parties and events and coffee shops where they can talk loudly about being in the film business and never ever make a film. They do that because making a film is hard work and its more fun to talk about and have people hang on your every word then actually do something.
So basically what I needed was the ability to control my situation for once. I needed to feel like I was in control. It’s kind of the same thing for those people who overeat because they can at least control the food that goes into their body. So, I guess instead of having an eating disorder, I had a creative disorder.
Since I wanted to direct the film, I decided I would direct the book. I would make myself a character in the book, a la Rod Serling in Twilight Zone, and be this sort of invisible person who helps or hinders the characters as they go. The characters wouldn’t see me, and things would go however I would want them to.
That was really fun and i enjoyed it. I even started fucking with some of the characters and made them do stupid ridiculous things that made other characters stare at them like they were aliens from another planet while I sat in the back cracking up. It was really fun!
Then, when I came to Blood Lust Revenge (BLR Trilogy)
, something happened. I’m still not sure what exactly, but what happened was, I started to lose control over my characters.
The characters in the sequel seemed to stop listening to me as much, so the things I had to do to get their attention or disrupt their lives was bigger and more ridiculous. It got to the point where there was nothing I could do to bother them. I didn’t understand what was going on.
I was useless there, just as I was when we were trying to make the film. Plus, the characters seemed to be getting stronger. In them getting stronger, I became more helpless. In order to save myself from completely losing my mind I had to really pull the rug out from under the character that I felt was most in control of that world or reality, at the end in order to just confuse him enough for me to get out of the story.
The third and final book in the series, was started soon after I finished Revenge, but I automatically became fearful for my own life. If the character in the book ever found out what I had done to him, I was afraid that he would come after me while I was writing the third book since that was the only way he would be able to have contact with me. So I had to stop.
You see, when we create a world for a story, the second we create it, it exists on some plane of existence. Once that happens, it technically is as real as any other plane of existence. Who the fuck are we to decide which one is ‘more real’ than another?
I know that the easy answer is to just decide that ‘our reality’ is more real, but what if we are just characters in someone else’s book? What if ‘God’ is the author of something really big and all of our choices and decisions are predetermined anyway, by this creator? If you are a Calvinist, you believe that anyway, so really how far off is what I am saying?
So the fact that I have been sitting on this story for the last seven years means that my characters have been in purgatory, waiting for me to continue it. Does that mean they have been frozen in their time? I don’t know. Does that mean that they can hear my thoughts as I plot what will happen in the third book? I don’t know. I want to say probably not, but who the fuck am I to be able to decide how created beings in another dimension think?
If I am the creator, I should be able to decide how they evolve, right? Maybe not.
I know how the last scene of the final book goes, but i dare not reveal the ending even to myself for I worry that it will leak to him. If he knows, he will be able to do something to stop it. He might even be really upset that he has been a prisoner locked inside my brain for last seven years. What would he do then? If you have read how Revenge ends, you will know that I am on his shitlist anyway right now.
I have decided that this summer, I will finish this with him once and for all. I can’t keep going on like this. I can’t live in fear from him anymore.
I really hope I am able to put the book out. If the book comes out, more likely than not, Everything went the way I wanted it to. It means that hopefully, I made it out okay. But, i guess maybe not. Shit. I don’t know what to do now.
I can see a way that he… fuck. I have said too much already.
Just know that the beings that you create really do exist and you have to treat them right, with the utmost respect. They are you creations and deserve your attention, your love, and more importantly, your compassion.
Do not just create them and then lock them away in your brain and come back to them when you feel like. They do know and they will not like it. You are their ‘God’ and no one likes to be ignored by their creator or even their parents.
I wish you all luck in your creations.
The third book was originally called Blood Lust Rage but recently I changed it to Blood Lust Retribution because at the end of the day, that’s really what one of us will need to get out of that book alive.